My brother-in-law and I have gotten into many debates about what he likes to call “California” drivers. See, we both live in California and whenever we are driving somewhere together I’ll usually hear him say something derogatory about another driver on the road. He says things like “this person is stupid” or “people are such assholes out here.” He’ll go on to say that back “home” drivers are much more courteous.
He was born and raised in Virginia (what he calls “home”). I was born in Virginia but pretty much raised in California. So obviously, when he talks about “California” drivers in a derogatory way I naturally get a little defensive. This is because I self identify as a Californian. I mean, 99.9% of my driving experience has been in the state of California. But he doesn’t consider me to be an “asshole” or “stupid” yet those he does are labeled as “California” drivers. The funny thing is the only people he can label as “California” drivers for sure are his friends and family that he knows were raised here (and he wouldn’t label them in such a way). Because the drivers (or strangers) whom he calls “assholes” could’ve very well been born and raised in Virginia just like him.
Anyways, the reason he believes that the land in California makes people evil and stupid is due to his personal bias. He doesn’t like California. He prefers to live somewhere where there are “four seasons.” I have no problem with his personal preference. It just bugs me when he voices a subjective opinion that is negative and makes everyone else in the car get a negative vibe. And that is why I would argue with him about it. But I have come to realize that even though his opinion was formed out of personal bias, it is 100% the truth. At least to him. Because when he is out on the road, he see’s nothing but rude drivers. As the old saying goes, if you look for anything hard enough you’ll generally find it.
Now, before I go on let me confess something: I used to think the same way. I met my brother-in-law when I was 14. I was young and looked up to him. Therefore, I inherited a lot of his opinions. So when I got my license at 16, I was very aware of all the rude drivers. I would tail gate people and even flicked off a few people (something I am ashamed to admit) when I felt like they were being an “asshole.” I learned this behavior from my brother-in-law because that’s the way he USED to act (he has since improved). But as I got older and wiser, I realized that there was no benefit to thinking in that manner. It put me and whoever was involved in a negative state of mind.
So I decided to change the way I thought, or perceived things while on the road. Of course, the bad behavior was a habit by then so my perception didn’t change overnight. But every time I found myself thinking negatively I would catch it and correct it. The thing I did that helped me most was whenever someone SEEMED to do something rude, I would just imagine that person to be my Mom (who I love to death). Almost instantly, the negative feelings subsided and I just let it go. After a while, I no longer saw rude drivers. My road rage was gone for good!
But I decided to take this a step further, and started looking for GOOD drivers. Now, for the most part that’s all I really see. Average drivers and good drivers. And if I happen to perceive someone as a rude driver, I’ll just look at that person the same way I look at my Mom. With love. I’ll tell myself that the person most likely has a family that loves him and thinks highly of him. When you stop and realize that the people on the road are just that, people, it makes it a lot easier to be forgiving. I would never get angry if someone I knew cut me off on the road (because of bias), so its unfair to do so to someone who I haven’t yet had the chance to meet. Like they say, don’t judge a book by its cover.
Changing my perception while on the road has really opened my eyes to a whole new world. I mean, its crazy that you can do a lie detector test on my brother-in-law and I and ask us what we think about Californian drivers and our answers would be complete opposites but yet both of us would be telling the truth. And even crazier, we actually can choose the way we perceive things. It really is true that you see what you believe more so than you believe what you see.
Our perception creates our reality. Or better stated: Your perception is your reality. You can make a heaven out of hell and a hell out of heaven. The choice is and always has been yours. This doesn’t just go for the way you perceive things while driving. It goes down to every little opinion you make about yourself, the people around you, and the world we live in. Now, I’m not promoting the idea of ignorance is bliss. Maybe just the opposite. Things aren’t always perfect in life. We can’t just ignore the bad things. But we CAN fix them. But the only way we can do this is by focusing more on finding solutions to the problems instead of complaining about them.
